1735 c/o Tom Offland


Euler said you couldn't give seven promises in Königsberg and keep them. Now Königsberg is gone, and its bridges, but they built a replica, a miniature Königsberg, with toy bridges and the ants try to cross them all without going back on themselves and they can't, just as Euler had proved.

Euler said you couldn't say seven things in Königsberg without repeating yourself. He proved that, on occasion, repetition can be inevitable. When Euler talked he talked with his hands held before his mouth, poised to clap around and capture that repetition, the moment it should arise.

Euler said you couldn't hear seven secrets in Königsberg and not divulge them. They executed animals in the second world war for listening in on national secrets, and they cut out the parts of prisoners brains that were made for making secrets and they blew down the bridges at Königsberg.

Euler said you couldn't talk to seven girls in Königsberg and not look like a fool. Now all the girls have left Königsberg on gap years. They're making mescal in Mexico and climbing the steps to Machu Picchu. In later life, Euler went blind in the candlelight, looking for girls.

Euler said you couldn't say seven prayers in Königsberg without god pretending not to hear you. Dear lord I am glad for my good health but sometimes it's hard to know what's real. There were banks and fords in Königsberg before there were bridges and everybody got to their destinations with their legs wet up to their knees.

Euler said you couldn't drink seven pints in Königsberg and remember them. Everything that happened before photographs will be forgotten, especially in Königsberg. If people had photographs of Euler they would take him more seriously. Euler would've invented photographs if he'd had the materials and if he'd spent less time drinking.

Euler said you couldn't spend seven days in Königsberg and not regret it. Euler said he'd rather live in the river. Those who stayed in Königsberg, stayed out of boredom or a sense of comfort or gratitude or a sense of duty or independence or something like that.