1515 c/o Philippa Stanger

[I used to play a racing game, when frustrated from skidding I would swear.]

We dance around harmoniously, yet you seem to be farther and farther ahead.

One day you’ll pass me yet be flagging behind.

That day I’ll cook us beans on toast, with cheese.

There is no man inside you, you are not the second one, mere hope gave us a second watcher.

If anything we should have looked upon you as a threat, calculation now tells us otherwise. At least in our lifetime.

1514 c/o Chris East

There's something about Mary

"Congratulaions Louis, one hell of a girl you got there."

Get away from me get away. This is the worst day of my life. I hate these things. Smile. Shake hands. If someone asks me to cut a cake or dance with them I am going to fucking explode. Who is she talking to over there? Fuck, I swear, if that is Brandon, I am going to fucking explode. Who is that? Oh it's Wolsey. Just Wolsey. Hey Wolsey. He is a good guy. Peace.

If I don't get a son out of this I don't know what to do. I am going to fucking explode. Probably not. I deserve one though. I am good guy right? People always say "Louis, thanks for being such a good guy all the time, blah blah blah" and I am like "Yeah no problem, just doing my job." If I had a son it would be so awesome. I would train him up to be a king and then we could see if somehow he could be king of two countries instead of just one country. I just want for my son to have it better than I did.

I can imagine watching my son be king from up above when I am dead. I would have to be dead, no way am I giving this up. Being king is pretty fucking sweet.

1513 c/o Hayley Heaton

Ponce had plans…

…the most important of which
was the tea garden—a courtyard
surrounded by a ha-ha of hedges and pots
brimmed with bushbutton.
For a good time, Ponce
had considered a selection
of ski-ball machines, but came to
the conclusion that, that
would be entirely wrong. So
he replaced them with a menu
and cups—the lidded kind with steepers.
Not all the remedies were on
order, but there were some: penis
potions to cure impotence, hand
creams to soothe the effects
of too much work, and droplets
with properties to restore sight. Still,
Ponce was missing a common
ingredient. Infinite youth is hard to find.

1512 c/o Jason Lee Norman

The Centre of the Universe

After lunch Miss Gale told us to push our desks to the edge of the classroom. We are going to learn about the universe she said. We are going to learn about the solar system. Miss Gale then asked who wanted to be a planet. Who wants to be Saturn, she said. Who wants to be Jupiter? I did not raise my hand when Miss Gale asked about the planets. I wanted to be the Sun, or at least the moon. Mostly the sun though because the sun was so bright and so hot.

     The very best part about being the sun was that Miss Gale chose Emily to be the Earth. Emily stood in the centre of the room and it was my job to orbit her. Look Emily, I said, I’m orbiting you and keeping you warm and giving you energy. I’m heating the seventy percent of you that is covered with water. I could see her smiling about half the time. Look Emily, I’m charging your solar powered calculator and helping you relieve your dependence on foreign oil. I could see her smile less than half the time now because sometimes Ethan (the moon) was in the way and then the other planets came and got in the way. The other Ethan even got to be Pluto because Miss Gale wasn’t able to explain why Pluto wasn’t a planet anymore. We kept orbiting and orbiting Emily until Miss Gale said, “Stop!”

     She told Emily and me to switch places. This is the way things are now, Miss Gale said. We all revolve around you. Everybody, even you, Miss Gale? Even me. Then everybody started orbiting again, even the other Ethan who was not even a real planet, so far away, he started orbiting. I began to feel very warm, like the actual sun. I saved most of my best warmth for Emily, when the Moon wasn’t in the way.