1462 c/o Crispin Best

The Night Attack

Guess what.
I will attack in the night.
I will kill 23,884 of your men, not including the ones burned in their houses.
This is how I will declare war.

Nice to meet you.

I will poison streams and create marshes.
It will be hilarious.
Me and my Gypsies will kill you.

I will send lepers to hang around your army,
Friendly syphilitic children,
Lonely ones with plague.

You'll like them, they're nice.

Don’t worry.
I won’t transform myself into a wolf or anything fancy.
I will be happy to kill you in a normal way.

For example,
I will kill you with a cannon.
It will be a tiny cannon, though, in my hand.


You can keep your whores.
The women in my army fight.
The women in my army are going to kill you.


I will come in the night.
I will arrive at your camp dressed like one of yours.
I will hurt your women like a husband and leave.

After that, the next time I come I will kill you.
I will come and I will find your tent and kill you.

I will take your corpse
And skewer it on the highest stake
As a sign of my affection.

Or else I'll come in the night
Surrounded by gypsies
And get confused
And go to the wrong tent
And kill someone else
Someone else completely

Thousands and thousands and thousands of someone else.