1408 c/o Crispin Best

Taken from ‘The Great Canon , or
Vast Documents of the Era of
Perpetual Happiness’

Dragon - Dragons are moving statues. They are part darkness. They are good-looking and therefore feature on many flags. Their wings are too small to gift them flight, so they use them to fan fires they have started with their spit juice or their dad's matches. Their diet is rice, also maidens. They are susceptible to being stabbed in the heart by angry young men who are hidden beneath armour. Since everyone wants them dead, dragons are sad.

Cloud - Clouds are higher than a ladder. They are slightly islands. Polar Bears are landed clouds, and whipped cream, and snow. Clouds are maid of rice, also maidens. There are different kinds of cloud: Pretty Cloud, Angry Cloud, Cloud in Shape of Harp, Upside Down Cloud, Cloud in front of Moon. Clouds looks nice above famous landmarks. From above, clouds are mountains, also below. Clouds makes people cry because of either their beauty or aloofness.

Gravity - Gravity is the downward direction and a most unpleasant enemy. It is what makes us unable to jump, unable to reach that avocado so that we starve. It is what makes us unhappy with things to the point we punch ourselves in the leg again and again. It is why the earth is almost exactly a circle. It is what makes boulders crush our bodies until we become dead forever.

Tea - Tea is supernatural and refuses to be understood. It must be bargained with if it is not to burn you. It is poured from a distance to produce foam, or else blown on to produce steam. Guys in Turkey like to drink a lot of tea. Tea is good at keeping secrets, but because it is forgetful. It wants to throw a hammer through that light bulb. At first it finds it funny that you are afraid of spiders, but before long it starts pointing them out to you so that you don't jump. Tea is a dark liquid that makes you feel more at home.